Proper Grammar Can Get You a Date

Picture it: A battlefield of love where it’s every man and woman for him/herself. Shots are fired in the form of text messages aimed at attention spans. Victories are claimed in moonlit end-of-the-night kisses. Casualties are the result of bad breath and spoiling the latest episode of Game of Thrones. You’re right in the thick of it, building your romance army with steamy playlists, romantic dating spots, and top shelf snacks. There are few forces strong enough to send every soldier swooning and sighing in surrender, but one of the most powerful is … proper grammar.

It’s Not You, It’s Your Grammar

As someone who’s still in shambles over the burning of the Library of Alexandria, I’m glad to see good grammar is in vogue. You can use the best filter on your dating profile pics, have a body tighter than a hipster’s skinny jeans and have a well-paying job and still have an inbox that’s so empty the cats of the internet have started stuffing themselves into it. The source of your dating discord could be that you’re confusing they’re and their or complement and compliment. Ya gotta step up your grammar game if you expect to change your vinegar into honey.

The Power to Soothe the Savage Dating Beast

So what is it about good grammar that makes men and women alike all weak in the knees? Think of your dating profile as a movie trailer: The intention of a movie trailer is to get your brain salivating at the thought of consuming this visual feast; it piques the interest and whets the appetite. You don’t know if the entire movie matches the trailer, but you’re willing to spend money to find out, or at least scour the internet for more information about the movie.

Bad grammar in a dating profile (or even a text message or email) is the equivalent of a trailer with satin-smooth CGI, prominent actors and evocative music all wrapped around a plot that’s horribly clichéd and lines that that sound as if they were written by Stevie Wonder (no offense, Stevie; you’re still a ribbon in the sky). Sure the movie looks attractive, but it also sounds dumb. Don’t be this trailer.

You Had Me at the Proper Use of “There”

Got a dating profile or two floating out there on the digital ether? Scan those bad boys to make sure you aren’t using bad when you mean badly, snatch out uses of literally (95 percent of the time you really don’t need them, even if they’re used correctly), and check to see that you’ve fed your profile a balanced diet of commas. Go through your profile with a microscope and a scalpel until it’s a work of well-written art. I want to see this thing hanging in the Louvre with a line that strings around the block, which might be the equivalent of the number of hits your dating profile gets after you renovate it.

Don’t spend so much time fretting over your selfie poses that you forget to give your profile some grammatical TLC. Rather than chasing waterfalls, anyone who sets eyes on the proper grammar in your profile is more likely to be chasing you. What’s some of the worst grammar you’ve seen in a dating profile?